Telling My Daughter the Secret Of Santa
In my last blog I wrote about developing the concept of Secret Santa Claus Club. Just to recap—some kids on the playground were making fun of my 9 year old daughter, River, for believing in Santa Claus. I thought I could keep her a believer for one more year while I came up with a creative way to let my daughter down easy—and also keep the magic of Christmas alive. Oh, and I didn’t want her to become one of those jerk kids teasing kids for believing. I wanted her to enjoy the process of spreading magic, and I knew this transition period was very important. So I took a year to develop and write a special book. And now we pick up with me and my ex giving River her book on her tenth Christmas….
Giving River Secret Santa Claus Club
Christmas day came and my nerves were getting the best of me. While feeling so in love and connected to my daughter, at the same time I was feeling overwhelmed. I started to second guess our decision to tell her the truth about Santa. I kept asking myself, did I do this right? Is this the right time? Am I going to ruin Christmas magic forever for my baby girl? Is she going to blame me? Call me a lier? Can’t I wait another year? With tears starting to form and after the final present was opened, I grabbed her book. It was wrapped in a special gold box with a red bow. I waited untill she wasn’t looking and quickly hid the box under the tree. She turned back and saw the unwrapped gift and said; “Hey, how did this present get here?” Step 1 success! There was no turning back now.
River opened the box and inquisitively started reading the book. It was happening so fast. I told her we should read it together and invited her to sit on my lap. As she was reading my words, the words I put so much thought into, the moment became so magical, yet scary. I imagined this moment for an entire year of working on this book. Was she going to hate it? Or worse, me?
As the book came closer and closer to the truth being revealed, I remember my heart starting to pound harder and quicker. Together, we read the final pages, which reveal the secret of Santa and the magic of Christmas. At first she was a little sad. My heart sank. But after a moment or two of reflection, River started asking questions. “So you and mom pretended to be Santa?” “What about the milk and cookies?” “Who else knows?” “What about the Easter Bunny? And the Tooth Fairy?” After a while, it started to sink in, and then it all just clicked.
The next few days were mixed for River. She felt some of the magic disappear. I think that’s normal. But then she’d get really excited about her rite of passage. We’d talk about all the ways she could help us play Santa in the next years. And how she could spread magic to other Believers. Her favorite new tradition is filling stockings for her mom, me and her pets. And she really took the responsibilities at the end of the book seriously. She’s very careful about who’s within ear-shoot when discussing non-believer stuff. And she encourages believers.
In the end, River felt (and still feels) that this was the best way for her to learn the truth about Santa. She is so excited for other children to join her in the Secret Santa Claus Club!
So this time, I feel confident that I did the right thing for my child. I think it’s important for each parent to take this transition seriously. In the year it took me to bring Rivers book to life, plus the two+ years it took to publish SSCC, I have heard a lot of horror stories about this going wrong. From folks who were traumatized at the nonchalant way their parents dropped the news, to the parents who’s kid developed a disdain for the holiday all-together. And let’s not forget the kids who ruin the secret for believers! If my book (or even just my advice) can be of help to just one family, it would make the publishing process worth while for me. And River would be so happy to have another member in her Secret Santa Claus Club!