My child knows the secret of Santa. How do I prevent them from telling their friends?

You’ve heard the horror stories, maybe you’ve even had to face them yourself: a child comes home and says their friend told them that Santa Claus isn’t real. You rue the thought of a stern phone call from another parent wondering why you didn’t instill a sense of secrecy or responsibility in your child and why theirs now has to suffer for it. And to be fair, you would understand that anger. You promise that kid will never be your kid. So – well – what do you do?

1. Explain to your child the repercussions of this behavior

According to surveys, the average age of a child learning that Santa Claus isn’t real is around eight or nine years old. At this age, children are beginning to form social hierarchies in school. It’s tempting for a child to want to flaunt special knowledge that can make them seem cool. But we know that telling other children that Santa Claus isn’t real does not make your child smart or adult – it makes them a bully. Explain to your child that sharing this knowledge won’t make them friends but instead alienate them from upset peers.

2. Instill a sense of empathy

“Do you remember how you felt when you learned Santa wasn’t real?” We think so much about how hard the conversation is to have with our children that we forget how shocking and sad the moment is. No child likes abruptly learning that Santa Claus isn’t real, and helping your child empathize with others is a powerful skill for the rest of their life.

3. Make them Members of “The Club”

Around this age, most kids want to prove they are capable of “doing it themselves”. They want more responsibilities and want to be treated like an adult. They are also craving connection. The best way to take advantage of the situation is to make them members of “The Club”. Lay out the club rules for keeping the secret, feeding the magic and becoming a helper.

4. Find out who else is in “The Club”

Call parents to find out who in their class and their social group is in “The Club” and who are believers. This will be incredibly helpful in making sure the secret is safe. Think about having a Club Meeting, where the kids can get together and talk about fun ways to keep the secret and create magic for believers. Try to make sure this doesn’t turn into a way of isolating the believers by keeping the focus on giving. There are many possibilities here.

5. Involve them in Santa activities

If you still have younger children who believe in Santa Claus, your older children can help with the fun. Need someone to help wrap gifts? Give you the scoop on what their siblings want? Eat the cookies and drink the milk? Christmas can still be an enjoyable time for a child who has stopped believing in Santa Claus. Just make sure you wrap their gifts away from their eyes.